so, I`m into percussion...

because, like I said, I march to my own drum. excuse me while I get my fresh, haha.

random wishes.

not my mouth or ears, no. but they will be in about two years. I think i`ll get all four I want at once. so that`s my tongue, industrials in both of my ears and I want a vch piercing. look that one up, lol. don`t want to put a visual of it on my blog, lol. kinda porn-ish, but shit, if I want it still in two more years, it shall be mine haha.

and yes, I know people have opinions about others with tongue rings and other body piercings, but frankly I`ve grown up not to give a fuck. I march to beat of my own drum. personally, I think its just another medium of self expression.

If i still have this blog, I`ll totally video document it.

I`m so excited =)

what im thinking right now //

numero uno; things I have to say before the eighteenth of august.

by way of mouth, words, text messages, or this here blog;

Words cannot express how proud I am of you right now. I may not have been there to watch the full transition from kid to collegiate, but what I have seen is enough. Tomorrow, you will be leaving on your way to a totally new chapter in your life. You`re the bestest bestfriend I`ve never had. I remember the summer before last, what an emotional wreck we deemed eachother; what we wanted to fix, things we wanted to change, go way and get better. How we continuously used our phones to share our lives. How unseparable we were, the bond we were forming. Years have passed, and that bond has only gotten stronger. I can feel you, even if you`re 690+ miles away. I feel that you`re scared shitless, excited, regretful to leave the nest but happy that you`ve made it through highschool. We`ve managed to escape all the bullshit, all the tears, most of the hurt, the aggravation from the past and overcome so much. And become the people that we`re supposed to be. I`m more happy for you than you think. You were always the more emotionally expressive twin. I`m writing this here because if I say it to you, to anyone, I`ll cry...harder than you are probably right now. Everyone that I`ve told about you, that you`re leaving off to college soon, that you`re my best friend, they say, "Oh, well...I don`t think you guys will be as close anymore, she`ll have other things to do." I get so mad and then I have to remember that they don`t know what we`ve already been through. Even you sometimes doubt our bond`s longevity, but I`m gonna always be here to listen. A few more miles and more responsibilties will not change that. I just hope you don`t grow up too much and find me completely immature. Funny thought, right? I hope it won`t happen, I have a feeling it won`t, even if I have to chant something every Sunday along with my "I will have a good week this week" mantra to help that along. Bring more positivity with positivity. It`s just a fear that pops up in the back of my head. Anyway, back to where I was going with this. I`m just writing to clear my head of all I`ve been thinking this summer about this change. I don`t usually like changes. The fact that I may not be able to talk to you as much, or our schedules won`t mesh very well, or you might not have a laptop as soon as you`d like is something we`ll just have to deal with because I`m in it for the long run =D Not letting this go, not without a fight. I`m excited - no excuse me, I`m very excited for you. And I`m sorry I don`t ever sound like it when we talk about it on the phone. It`s just all of these thoughts reeling around in my head at once and it gets hard to focus on just being happy / excited when there`s so much else inside. Don`t get sad about some of these feelings, because I`ll get over it once I hear how happy you are. Because that`s what a best friend does for a best friend. Support eachother. You`ve held your end of the bargain, but we`re not done yet. I love you, and I`m proud of you, Chelsea. HOT DAMN YOU`RE A COLLEGE STUDENT [ pumps fist ]!

------

numero dos; this could be something, the sequel.

that was written for a reason, oh yes oh yes;

I mean, it`s not serious or anything, but - you still cross my mind sometimes. I don`t regret. Just goin` through those "what if`s". I`m sure you understand. Better yet, I know you understand. Met under the wrong circumstances. Usually, I`m r&b, hip hop with a dash of punk rock. But with you, I could`ve been soft jazz, maybe even your acoustic guitar. At this moment, by myself, with my thoughts, I`m neo-soul. Maybe, maybe, maybe...maybe if you were this, maybe if I were that. Maybe if you were available, maybe if my morals weren`t so strong. I`m not the type of person who dwells on the end, but this was something different. It could`ve been completely something else but God didn`t want that so he didn`t do so. I`ve learned not to question him. Truly, you are unlike anyone I`ve ever met. With or without those feelings I`ve tossed aside. Like snowstorms in Africa, or hurricanes in China. Different, unbelievable, beautiful, possibly distructive... Never met anyone that had so strong of a hold on my interest. You kept me guessing, I love meeting people that can do that because not very many can. You give me hope, maybe there is someone with a soul as beautiful as yours out there for me. What I`ve accepted is that you`re not the one to fill that void I silently search for with my heart. I can honestly say I`m saddened by that, but we live and we learn. We live and we grow. With this experience, I take it and I use it to continue to grow into that person im destined to be. All I can say, and the last thing I will say about us, you, me and this is thankyou.

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P.S. - i think this blog is helping me better express myself. and P.P.S. my thoughts are very long winded, hence how long this is, lol.

public service announcement.

I`m gonna start off with things I tweeted yesterday after I woke up.

damn, lmao. last night / this mornin was funnnnn. man im doin the most this summer haha =D staying on the phone from 9 PM till 6 AM with the wife, laughin` about dumb shit. oh and we ( me & Alexis ) are starting a graphic production. cause bitches don`t be graphic makin`, they be graph-fakin.

Graph-fakin. A word that I came up with in less than 5 seconds. I`ve only been a "graphic designer" for like three, going-on-four years in October but damn. I know enough to know the unspoken rules of being such. For the past year, or so, people`ve been hyping some lame ass, half done ass graphics and frankly I`m starting to get offended. Rule number one, when you make graphics, don`t leave any stone unturned. That means you need to check, check, and double check your shit. Make sure you`ve blended every texture, that the font goes well with the overall theme and that it`s readable / easy on the eyes, layer settings are right, colors or lack thereof are poppin, that things are angled the way you want, placed where you want & everything is one hundred because after its all said & done....that graphic represents you. Your visions, your art, your talent, your creativity. So if you half ass a graphic, - especially if it`s for somebody else - that`s a bad look (rule number two, what you create represents you. even moreso if you`re making it for someone else`s use, so take pride in it and aim for perfect execution). Luckily, I`ve had plenty to turn to if I got stuck with something. Wifey was actually my graphic mentor & if it wasn`t for her inspiring me, I would never be as dope as she says I am. So, kissesssss ;-) haha. With some people, they have all the drive in the world, take the initiative in the business aspects of their craft, but don`t bring it that hard with the product. What`s the point, then? The night I mentioned in my tweets, me and L got one someone`s helmet about overthinking (rule number four, no overthinking-) a concept (and fucking it up completely because it`s too complicated &). Babe, overthinking just makes it commit suicide. Just like underthinking (rule number four cont., no underthinking-) it (because that will make people have to ask what the hell its supposed to be). And half assing (rule number three, no half assing) it.

And rule number fckin` five, respectively, do not let personal relationships or shadows of personal relationships or signs of a personal relationship blossoming hinder your business relationship.

To further break that down;

DO NOT LET STUPID ASS DREAMS OF BEING FRIENDS / THE HISTORY OF ONCE BEING A FRIEND / THE POSSIBILITY OF BECOMING A FRIEND WITH YOUR CLIENT SUPERCEDE THE FACT THAT YOU STILL HAVE MADE AN OBLIGATION TO MAKE THEIR GRAPHICS, THATS IT. If they want a friend in you, they`ll come to you. Being over-sensitive & clingy makes them regret even having you in their promotion team. Keep it all corporal and not hoe-motional.

Okay, let`s run it back.

#1 - Don`t leave any stone unturned, check your work.

#2 - What you create represents you, especially if you`re making it for someone else`s use, so don`t fuck up.

#3 - No half assing is allowed. You don`t feel like it, don`t do it. All ass plus extra, or no ass at all.

#4 - No over / underthinking. It just fucks shit up, either way.

#5 - Personal relationship or not, focus on strengthening the business relationship.

Have a nice day.

graphical spotlight.

http://i352.photobucket.com/albums/r335/lovebombb/eightbeyonceicons.png

[ giggles ]

click for full size.

im in lust with my own designs.

...anticipation.

You might be wondering, "Well, what the hell is the purpose of this blog?" or "Oh hell, here comes more random rants..."

But seriously, I'm here to talk about someone who is terribly underrated.

So, yesterday I got word that Mr. Neverson was dropping his mixtape Anticipation at 12 AM. Needless to say, I, being a Trey Songz fan myself, was excited. Me and Chelsea (http://theycallmesaucy.blogspot.com/, check her the fuck out lol) always talk about how Trey is soo underrated. He is uber talented, you guys. Anywho, you know after a certain time of the night, Brandy becomes narcoleptic. So, I just actually downloaded it like, an hour ago. And it has the potential to be my second favorite mixtape of `09. I - I don't think it will surpass my love for So Far Gone, but it sure is right there under it. These other rappers and singers need to really come hard. To even be on my top 10 must mean you have talent out the ass. Trey is a prime example. Most of the songs on Anticipation are slow, Showerlude, Scratchin` Me Up, Does She Know, You Belong To Me, On Top, It Would Be You , Yo Side Of The Bed and a live version of Successful, the collabo with Drake and Lil` Wayne that also appeared on So Far Gone. The rest of the songs, Famous, Infidelity, More Than That, Make It Rain & She Ain't My Girl are more up / mid-tempo. It shows how much he's grown since I Gotta Make It and Trey Day (which I loved to death). Now he has me anticipating Ready, his junior album. I'm soooo excited for it now. AND I'M GOING TO BUY IT. If you know me, you know why I just said that. To cop Anticipation, visit his blog, http://www.seefurtherthaniam.com/.

You wont be disappointed.

chapter three.

Right now, I’m sealing letter nine. I don’t think I can go on like this. My nightmares are getting gorier, more realistic, and that only happens when I’m keeping something from him. I don’t wanna confess to something I’m not sure of. Last night, he didn’t get to call me, but he text me before then. I didn’t feel like sleeping last night. I couldn’t sleep; my mind was so busy with memories. I like to think that he can’t sleep very well without me either, just so that I know he’s feeling the same. Today, my Mac Book Pro came in the mail and I’m excited. Now we can iChat. My mother sensed my happiness and immediately made it bitter sweet. “Brandy, I don’t understand why that boy is so important to you.” It’s becoming hard to bite my tongue. She continued. “He ate, slept and breathed you. Used to be over here at all times of the night comforting you. I think he’s just feeding your abundant, unhealthy need for attention.” Abundant, unhealthy need for attention? If you would’ve provided me with it, I wouldn’t have gone elsewhere. So, since I found someone willing to fill a void in my life, you call it unhealthy? This woman needs therapy. See, this is why I don’t come out of my room. She continues to pick at a wound I’m trying to heal. “I think this time apart is good. Maybe you two’ll see how much you don’t need eachother.” Pushed the wrong button. I said, “That’s exactly why. You don’t try to understand. You jump to conclusions. I don’t have to worry about being analyzed around him, unless I want to. Or told what to do. Or ignored. Or brushed off. I don’t need you to do this right now, because I don’t want to have to hurt your feelings” and with that, I took my laptop upstairs. I’m mad that people are not trying to understand how hard this is for us. All my life, the only people who truly have an understanding of me have been my twin and my best friend. Chelsea’s with her boyfriend most of the time, happy, and I don’t wanna fuck that up with my problems. It`s bad enough we share the same soul and brain, so whether she wants to or not, she’ll always feel a little bit of what I feel. I wish everybody would just accept that some friendships will never die. I’m tired of us having to constantly prove ourselves. No alternative motives. People are constantly trying to bring us down. Maybe that’s why I haven’t completely gone crazy. We are not a lost cause. No matter how far away or how many nights I cry, it still won’t be enough to give up. Even if he can’t be with me at night. I can’t just quit on him, because I’d like to think he needs me. Now, more than ever, so close to his dreams. And I need him just as much…

I still cannot believe it...

"And they say why, why? Tell `em that it`s human nature...Why why, does he do me that way?"

Never in a million years, did I think we`d be reporting such sad news so early in his lifetime. I still don`t believe it, and it really took me today to accept the fact that he`s gone. At 6:07 PM, getting ready to see Transformers: Rise of the Fallen, I recieved two messages, one from my best friend Derrick, and one from my great friend Yulayky, saying the same thing. "Michael Jackson died." I`m like, "Wow." My dad looks over at my shocked face, and asked me what I was talking about, so I told him. "Nuh uh," was his reply, "Who sent you that?" When i told him the names, he just dismissed it and told me sometimes I shouldn`t believe everything I hear. Minutes later, CNN reports that Michael Jackson, of age 50, the King of Pop, has died and my father`s eyes widen. "He did! Brandy..." I stare at the TV in disbelief and the only word I could say was wow. My mom is staring at the screen as well, and she shakes her head, "Wow, Michael`s gone..." My head fell.

Fast forward to me and my mom getting into the car, and driving on the horribly crowded interstate. Our movie started at seven, and I was slightly frustrated because it didn`t look like we`d make it in time. I have the radio up to one of the more informative stations, Hot 105. I sign into Twitter on my phone, and he`s become the Trending Topic. This man is a legend. They report that CNN, MSNBC, and the New York Times have confirmed Michael`s death and say that the rest of Mr. Baisdon`s show will be dedicated to the late King of Pop. The first song that they play, in this dedication is one of my favorites, "Human Nature". Me and my mom silently enjoy the music, mouthing along with the words. Our grief is speechless, but bears a thousand volumes. I text Chelsea, and its 6:34 where we are, telling her, "Michael Jackson died, mama." Immediately afterwards, she calls me, on the interstate on the way to Montgomery, AL to see her sister. "Are you serious? I can`t believe it...I didn`t want to, but I turned on the radio and its everywhere..." All I can do is sympathize with her denial. "Brandy, I wanna pull over, and fuckin` bawl." I rub my face, "Me too, but I`m not driving...so yeah, but I understand." Rock With You starts playing. "Okay, Bee, I`m on the interstate...I`ll talk to you later." We hung up. After that, the rest of the carride is silent. As hurt as I am, as grief stricken, I can`t cry. I can`t cry. We finally get to the movies, and I`m enjoying the movie partially, with Michael and his legacy still on my mind. "What`ll happen to the kids?" I think..."are all his partially estranged family together right now?"

This man is a legend. People use his albums, and read them like textbooks trying to understand his success and how to conform that into their own talent. This recording artist, philantropist, entertainer, businessman, idol is gone. His music is still apprieciated everywhere, despite the scandals, the lies and the misrepresentation. The World, is crying for him right now. Not just the US, not just the United Kingdoms, not just Africa, India, Asia...all of them, together we`re mourning the loss of a King. Let word of him, be good word and memories, be good memories at a sad time in Pop Culture, and the music industry.

Michael Joseph Jackson

August 29th, 1958 - June 25th, 2009.

You will be terribly missed, love.

the next installment, enjoy. =)

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chapter two.

I think it’d be best for me not to tell him how much I’ve been crying. Maybe, it’s not something he needs to know. Not something anyone needs to tell him while he tries to get in the zone for another concert, especially somebody that he cares about so much. When we’re on the phone, I sound happy about everything, but knowing him, he knows the truth. If he does, he never says anything. He can tell everything about me. Yesterday, he called me while I was in the middle of crying. I couldn’t not answer and worry him, so I just sniffled and answered the phone. First thing he said, after our “hello’s” and “how are you’s” was, “Stop crying….you sound congested.” I can look at him, and he knows how I feel & I don’t have to say it. Silent understanding. I can say one thing, and he knows that it means another. It’s maddening not having around the one person who knows you like you know yourself. My solace. Usually, at night he stays over with me at least until I go to sleep. I suffer from reoccurring nightmares. We talk absentmindedly, but if it gets too quiet for too long, I snuggle up to him with my head on his chest, and then I’m out like a light. I think that’s why he calls me at night, to give me some comfort. I don’t tell him that it usually never works, and sometimes I have to pretend that I’m sleepy just so he can hang up the phone with me and go to sleep himself. I don’t want him to be tired trying to please me. It wouldn’t be fair t0 do that, even if he is my best friend and wants to. Sleep is pretty much pointless for me without someone else’s body heat. My parents don’t approve of us being best friends at all, but ultimately this is my life. I’ve chosen to ignore them, not rebelling, but for their reasons against us. They say, “Why you always around that boy? What is it that he does for you that your sister, your dad and I can’t give?” and I always think to reply, he loves me & understands me on a level that nobody has been to but him. He’s not family, so his love is different from your love. But they don’t think we know what that type of love is…they also don’t feel there’s anything that drastic about me for him to be the only one who understands. Yeah, they’re also full of shit. When I get tired of not sleeping, Chelsea lets me sleep with her. It’s comforting, but sometimes I feel that I burden people with my problems. He says I should get out of that habit, because he’ll always be there to listen. Bad habits are hard to break. But I like to think I’ll always have somebody there to listen, and hold. I like to think he’ll come through for me, no matter how far away he gets. He says, "I ain't let you down yet, right Bee?" and I smile at the tone of his voice, 'cause we know both that he won't.

Inspired by my Twitter friend Alanna`s words (www.twitter.com/peacelovewords) on my literary slump, I decided to get back into my writing groove. It always gave me peace of mind when things weren`t going right, and I miss the outlet. So, I`ll also, in addition to posting graphics, random songs & my thoughts, be posting chapters or what not to what I`m working on when it comes to writing. Without further adu, here`s the start of my fictional masterpiece.

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chapter one.

It’s been five days since he’s been gone, and I find myself reverting back into who I used to be without him. Only problem is, I don’t like who I am without him. When he’s around, I feel invincible no matter what the truth is. He’s not here, and I understand that I’m vulnerable. He’s told me not to worry about it and I shouldn’t but its hard not to. He told me, "Everytime you think about me, write me a letter. Keep writing, till every thought you have about me is on the paper in front of you & then seal it in an envelope. I’ll read them when I get back, all of them, I promise..." and kissed my forehead. I’m on the seventh letter. I’m just here, alone, pensive, but we both knew one day this would happen. He’d blow up, get global, go off on tour where every girl loves him & screams for him, at him and the other guys, while I’m holding him down here, losing my mind and the little bit of patience I have left day after day. Out of the millions of people loving him now, all their love will never compare to just one day of mine, he said. Watching him on concert has brought me closer into reality, so I’m starting to disagree. I’d like to think he believes what he says. I know if he didn’t, we’d both be in the same problem instead of just me. I like to think he understands what’s happening right now, that it`s not just my parents that think we shouldn’t be as close as we are, now the whole world agrees. I sit in my room while Chelsea goes out and represents for the both of us, and listen to music hoping that his voice doesn’t come up on my iPod’s shuffle. It would only send me into a fit of unwanted tears. I’m tired of crying. Twin says, "Cheer the fuck up...he’ll be back and then you guys can be again." I tell Chels that it’s not gonna be simple like that anymore. She gets asked the same questions by our friends everyday, “Is Bee okay?”, “How’s she holding up?”, or my personal favorite, “Still haven’t came out of her room yet?” It’s not that easy to bounce back from feelings like these. We talk almost every day, he texts me, I text back, he IMs me, I hit back, he calls me & we talk until his voice lulls me into sleep I haven’t been getting. Am I selfish, because it’s not enough?

She`s okay now, you guys. No need to worry. There wasn`t really a need for this blog, just except to tell you guys that my playlist is updated ^_^. It`s definetly on its grown & sexy right now.

[ not in this order ]

1. Bria`s Interlude - Drake & Omarion

2. Needs - Omarion

3. Take It Off - Pharrell & The Yessirs

4. Girlfriend - DAY26

5. Just Know - Marcel

6. Zodiac - Chris King

7. Pillow Talk - Kid Cudi

8. Come Close - Common & Mary J

9. Come Winter - Drake

10. Future In You - FDM

11. Lust For Life - Drake

12. Identity - Jermaine Riley

* i might add, like 8 more songs before the night is over, but I`ll edit them in.

&& I did a Drake graphic for my twin, Saucy, over at Houstalantavegas (theycallmesaucy.blogspot.com) and I think I`m in love with it. You be the judge.

[ click to view it bigger ]

I was inspired by this vision of little bubbles floating around him, they symbolize all of his thoughts, the bright ones being good thoughts, and the darker ones, not so much. They surround him, some of them are embedded into him, attached, because he`s So Far Gone.

[ snaps fingers ]

& bingo was his name-o.

Umm, I got some pictures to colorize...later, though. I`m actually asleep right now =) & scheduled this blog. Well on a more current note, check my wife out, yeah?

L.

http://anisemoht.blogspot.com/

Me and her have been married (sub)faithfully (lmfao) for a long time, and I`m gonna talk to her about bein` faithful to her blog as I`m going to try to. I`ll put them in our vows or suttin`.

Oh and sidenote, I`m gonna show you guys a colorization I did that I`m publically in love with.

Yes, i did all the coloring, on photoshop.

Been wanting to tackle this picture for a long time, and now that im done...blahh, its back to the drawing board.