the next installment, enjoy. =)
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chapter two.
I think it’d be best for me not to tell him how much I’ve been crying. Maybe, it’s not something he needs to know. Not something anyone needs to tell him while he tries to get in the zone for another concert, especially somebody that he cares about so much. When we’re on the phone, I sound happy about everything, but knowing him, he knows the truth. If he does, he never says anything. He can tell everything about me. Yesterday, he called me while I was in the middle of crying. I couldn’t not answer and worry him, so I just sniffled and answered the phone. First thing he said, after our “hello’s” and “how are you’s” was, “Stop crying….you sound congested.” I can look at him, and he knows how I feel & I don’t have to say it. Silent understanding. I can say one thing, and he knows that it means another. It’s maddening not having around the one person who knows you like you know yourself. My solace. Usually, at night he stays over with me at least until I go to sleep. I suffer from reoccurring nightmares. We talk absentmindedly, but if it gets too quiet for too long, I snuggle up to him with my head on his chest, and then I’m out like a light. I think that’s why he calls me at night, to give me some comfort. I don’t tell him that it usually never works, and sometimes I have to pretend that I’m sleepy just so he can hang up the phone with me and go to sleep himself. I don’t want him to be tired trying to please me. It wouldn’t be fair t0 do that, even if he is my best friend and wants to. Sleep is pretty much pointless for me without someone else’s body heat. My parents don’t approve of us being best friends at all, but ultimately this is my life. I’ve chosen to ignore them, not rebelling, but for their reasons against us. They say, “Why you always around that boy? What is it that he does for you that your sister, your dad and I can’t give?” and I always think to reply, he loves me & understands me on a level that nobody has been to but him. He’s not family, so his love is different from your love. But they don’t think we know what that type of love is…they also don’t feel there’s anything that drastic about me for him to be the only one who understands. Yeah, they’re also full of shit. When I get tired of not sleeping, Chelsea lets me sleep with her. It’s comforting, but sometimes I feel that I burden people with my problems. He says I should get out of that habit, because he’ll always be there to listen. Bad habits are hard to break. But I like to think I’ll always have somebody there to listen, and hold. I like to think he’ll come through for me, no matter how far away he gets. He says, "I ain't let you down yet, right Bee?" and I smile at the tone of his voice, 'cause we know both that he won't.
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