a poem.

Haven`t written one of these in a minute. Felt the inspiration, & turned my feelings into art.

Hope you enjoy.

effortless/ pointless.

why exactly is this so effortless?

never had a problem with the opposed persuasion,

may have dipped my fingers into the jar too many times

and pulled out nubs, but again I digress

this peculiar feeling that manifests in my mind, heart, and in my fingers

tips tingle, mouth curves around the edges, thoughts linger

in the back of my mind, "yes it`s frowned upon," but still I`m eager

to fall into a realm that has never been so easy to see.

has me even questioning who I am, my identity

is this really I, a me that is confident & daring

outspoken, lively, caring, or is it a figment of our dream

our, you`re not the only one that questions what they see.

people notice this change in her demeanor

but she cant really say its for good, if she knows what it means or

things just cant be trusted for what they seem.

part of me, feels that I could`ve somehow met you in a past life

part of me, thinks that im looking too hard at you in this last light

part of me, seems as though its frightened of what could be, I

could cause a catastrophe, won't know if I don`t relish this vast flight

then let`s commence this cliff diving...

late nights, turn into early mornings

but yet I cant seem to let my mind rest

I`m tossing turned,

then I`m cold heat,

eyes close opened,

and still I`m thinking of your caress

effortless is it to close my eyes, thinking of you,

to sleep, is pointless

effortless is it for those three words to spill from my lips

meaning them because I feel them, is poinless.

effortless is it to give you things I don`t even give myself

to give to others, is pointless.

effortless is it for me to try to deny how tight I`ve connected us

but to let go, will eventually be effortless.

for now, I`ll stay partial to pointlessness.

back in mobile/late nite action =)

Yes, meet SWEETSprinkles.

[ to go along with my whole Bakery / Cupcake themed-life-lol ]

She`s delighted to meet you.
She will also be the helper of my late night blogs, because yes, blogger works on Safari, so I`m excited.

=)

oh, bittersweet Orlando.

Yeah, I said it...bittersweet. I know its been a long time coming, but i haven`t had the time to devote to telling this long, horrible nightmare-turned-reality.

On Friday, July third, almost 11 o`clock, my mama comes walking out of her room.

"You wanna go to Orlando for the weekend?"

I raise a brow.
"Orlando?! How`d this come up?"

So she begins to tell me how my auntie Teresa (my mom`s little brother`s wife) needed somebdoy to drive her, and my two little cousins Tamera (12) & Timmy (9) up to Orlando to stay at this Marriott Vacation Club hotel her friend & family invited her & her family to.


After some debates and doubts, me and my mom decide, what the hell. We pack, and in about an hour & a half, we get the rental car and get on the road. The ride was terrible. We had a Charger, =/ I had no leg room, and I was forced to be stuck really close to two overactive ass kids. Then, about an hour in, my CD player (what I`ve been using to compensate SaucyCupcake`s robbery) decides to go dead, and my phone`s signal strength completely flopped. I was mad as fuck, right? Tamera and Timmy haven`t mastered the art of not talking, so, I`m suck with nothing to block them out. My aunt turns on the radio, but since she`s all "Godly" or what not, she turns on damn soft rock music that I don`t know. WHAT THE FUCK! I was pretty much looking out of the window, praying for all of it to be over by the second hour, and we`re not even there yet. To top it all off, during half of the ride, I had to pee from drinking so much damn water because I was hot. And I was PMS-ing, so every-little-thing was pissing me

off. Rough afternoon.

fast forward to us getting to the hotel.

It was beautiful, believe me. I didn`t get to take pictures of it in its entirety. Hell, look it up or something if you`re that curious (lol). We checked in and the suite had two bedrooms and two bathrooms, with a luxury kitchen, washer / dryer set and living room area. Things started to look up. And then, a pool. We met the other family, and there was this little boy. Isaiah. The epitome of why I`m getting my tubes tied in the future. The overall place we were living in, was awesome, believe me...But the people I was with. Lmao. Let me not get into that. Aside from my mother`s cronic snoring =/, the beds were wonderful and soft, but left a sour aftertaste after i got home and slept on my hard, familiar one. We went to Universal Studios, been there once, don`t ride anything, don`t like that place & I had to go anyway. The colors were amazing, but it was hot as hell. I was stuck with three children, two girls who I was more mentally mature than even though they were older than me & 5 adults in a hot place where everybody thought they were right about every-freakin`-thing. It started raining. To keep a promise that I made to Chelsea (http://theycallmesaucy.blogspot.com/, shouldn`t have to keep saying this, lol) I took some pictures.

Some that I liked, excuse the B&W =)

 I vow to not go on vacation without an entertainment device again. Seriously. Got some bomb ass lotion, Peony & Nectarine & Raspberries. Smells heavenly, and goes along with my "need to smell/be sweet" obsession. Then it was time to go, by that time the next day. We`re on the Turnpike goin` back to Miami. 150 miles turned to 100 miles turned to 67 miles. By this time, Aunt Peggy already decided to fuck up my flow with hers. It was getting aggrivating as fuck sitting idol in the backseat with my long ass legs getting no justice being "entertained" by the Terrible-Twosome, with them crying, yelling and hitting eachother.

At this point, I think everyone reading knows that I`ve had enough.

Lord, I started craving something sweet to go along with the music I had to indulge in my cerebral. We stopped at a rest stop. The adults, and the youngest left, and then Tamera & I got a dose of Drake while I fiddled with the radio knob.

Dunkin Donuts. A Tribute To Them For Aiding Me In My Time Of Need.

The End.

something // aubrey drake graham.

falling, too fast / clearly - rules don't apply /can't believe that I just met you...
you got me here / watching minutes pass by, / wondering when to expect you.

there you go... / is this a dream? / looking like every picture that I've seen of you before / I've seen it all before...
now that it's over -

shoulda known better than to think this was real and you could be mine.
I shoulda known better, slowed it down, cause I feel you needed time.
but I kept thinking -

this could be something...this could be something, this could be something
this could be, this could be,
this could be something...this could be something, this could be something
maybe it's just nothing at all
but this could be something...

this could be something, this could be somethingthis could be, this could be,this could be something...this could be something, this could be something

maybe it's just nothing at all, at all, at all - maybe it's just nothing at all, at all, at all...

I guess it's what we make it... I guess it's what we make it -


I guess it's what we make it.

...anticipation.

You might be wondering, "Well, what the hell is the purpose of this blog?" or "Oh hell, here comes more random rants..."

But seriously, I'm here to talk about someone who is terribly underrated.

So, yesterday I got word that Mr. Neverson was dropping his mixtape Anticipation at 12 AM. Needless to say, I, being a Trey Songz fan myself, was excited. Me and Chelsea (http://theycallmesaucy.blogspot.com/, check her the fuck out lol) always talk about how Trey is soo underrated. He is uber talented, you guys. Anywho, you know after a certain time of the night, Brandy becomes narcoleptic. So, I just actually downloaded it like, an hour ago. And it has the potential to be my second favorite mixtape of `09. I - I don't think it will surpass my love for So Far Gone, but it sure is right there under it. These other rappers and singers need to really come hard. To even be on my top 10 must mean you have talent out the ass. Trey is a prime example. Most of the songs on Anticipation are slow, Showerlude, Scratchin` Me Up, Does She Know, You Belong To Me, On Top, It Would Be You , Yo Side Of The Bed and a live version of Successful, the collabo with Drake and Lil` Wayne that also appeared on So Far Gone. The rest of the songs, Famous, Infidelity, More Than That, Make It Rain & She Ain't My Girl are more up / mid-tempo. It shows how much he's grown since I Gotta Make It and Trey Day (which I loved to death). Now he has me anticipating Ready, his junior album. I'm soooo excited for it now. AND I'M GOING TO BUY IT. If you know me, you know why I just said that. To cop Anticipation, visit his blog, http://www.seefurtherthaniam.com/.

You wont be disappointed.

chapter three.

Right now, I’m sealing letter nine. I don’t think I can go on like this. My nightmares are getting gorier, more realistic, and that only happens when I’m keeping something from him. I don’t wanna confess to something I’m not sure of. Last night, he didn’t get to call me, but he text me before then. I didn’t feel like sleeping last night. I couldn’t sleep; my mind was so busy with memories. I like to think that he can’t sleep very well without me either, just so that I know he’s feeling the same. Today, my Mac Book Pro came in the mail and I’m excited. Now we can iChat. My mother sensed my happiness and immediately made it bitter sweet. “Brandy, I don’t understand why that boy is so important to you.” It’s becoming hard to bite my tongue. She continued. “He ate, slept and breathed you. Used to be over here at all times of the night comforting you. I think he’s just feeding your abundant, unhealthy need for attention.” Abundant, unhealthy need for attention? If you would’ve provided me with it, I wouldn’t have gone elsewhere. So, since I found someone willing to fill a void in my life, you call it unhealthy? This woman needs therapy. See, this is why I don’t come out of my room. She continues to pick at a wound I’m trying to heal. “I think this time apart is good. Maybe you two’ll see how much you don’t need eachother.” Pushed the wrong button. I said, “That’s exactly why. You don’t try to understand. You jump to conclusions. I don’t have to worry about being analyzed around him, unless I want to. Or told what to do. Or ignored. Or brushed off. I don’t need you to do this right now, because I don’t want to have to hurt your feelings” and with that, I took my laptop upstairs. I’m mad that people are not trying to understand how hard this is for us. All my life, the only people who truly have an understanding of me have been my twin and my best friend. Chelsea’s with her boyfriend most of the time, happy, and I don’t wanna fuck that up with my problems. It`s bad enough we share the same soul and brain, so whether she wants to or not, she’ll always feel a little bit of what I feel. I wish everybody would just accept that some friendships will never die. I’m tired of us having to constantly prove ourselves. No alternative motives. People are constantly trying to bring us down. Maybe that’s why I haven’t completely gone crazy. We are not a lost cause. No matter how far away or how many nights I cry, it still won’t be enough to give up. Even if he can’t be with me at night. I can’t just quit on him, because I’d like to think he needs me. Now, more than ever, so close to his dreams. And I need him just as much…

I still cannot believe it...

"And they say why, why? Tell `em that it`s human nature...Why why, does he do me that way?"

Never in a million years, did I think we`d be reporting such sad news so early in his lifetime. I still don`t believe it, and it really took me today to accept the fact that he`s gone. At 6:07 PM, getting ready to see Transformers: Rise of the Fallen, I recieved two messages, one from my best friend Derrick, and one from my great friend Yulayky, saying the same thing. "Michael Jackson died." I`m like, "Wow." My dad looks over at my shocked face, and asked me what I was talking about, so I told him. "Nuh uh," was his reply, "Who sent you that?" When i told him the names, he just dismissed it and told me sometimes I shouldn`t believe everything I hear. Minutes later, CNN reports that Michael Jackson, of age 50, the King of Pop, has died and my father`s eyes widen. "He did! Brandy..." I stare at the TV in disbelief and the only word I could say was wow. My mom is staring at the screen as well, and she shakes her head, "Wow, Michael`s gone..." My head fell.

Fast forward to me and my mom getting into the car, and driving on the horribly crowded interstate. Our movie started at seven, and I was slightly frustrated because it didn`t look like we`d make it in time. I have the radio up to one of the more informative stations, Hot 105. I sign into Twitter on my phone, and he`s become the Trending Topic. This man is a legend. They report that CNN, MSNBC, and the New York Times have confirmed Michael`s death and say that the rest of Mr. Baisdon`s show will be dedicated to the late King of Pop. The first song that they play, in this dedication is one of my favorites, "Human Nature". Me and my mom silently enjoy the music, mouthing along with the words. Our grief is speechless, but bears a thousand volumes. I text Chelsea, and its 6:34 where we are, telling her, "Michael Jackson died, mama." Immediately afterwards, she calls me, on the interstate on the way to Montgomery, AL to see her sister. "Are you serious? I can`t believe it...I didn`t want to, but I turned on the radio and its everywhere..." All I can do is sympathize with her denial. "Brandy, I wanna pull over, and fuckin` bawl." I rub my face, "Me too, but I`m not driving...so yeah, but I understand." Rock With You starts playing. "Okay, Bee, I`m on the interstate...I`ll talk to you later." We hung up. After that, the rest of the carride is silent. As hurt as I am, as grief stricken, I can`t cry. I can`t cry. We finally get to the movies, and I`m enjoying the movie partially, with Michael and his legacy still on my mind. "What`ll happen to the kids?" I think..."are all his partially estranged family together right now?"

This man is a legend. People use his albums, and read them like textbooks trying to understand his success and how to conform that into their own talent. This recording artist, philantropist, entertainer, businessman, idol is gone. His music is still apprieciated everywhere, despite the scandals, the lies and the misrepresentation. The World, is crying for him right now. Not just the US, not just the United Kingdoms, not just Africa, India, Asia...all of them, together we`re mourning the loss of a King. Let word of him, be good word and memories, be good memories at a sad time in Pop Culture, and the music industry.

Michael Joseph Jackson

August 29th, 1958 - June 25th, 2009.

You will be terribly missed, love.